jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
God, I missed his penis.
tell me about the fingering
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