try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
