Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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