Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
