Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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