I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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