I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
