your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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