does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
