Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
