I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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