I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
