I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
