You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
