this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
