dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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