i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
