I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize