my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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