cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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