He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
false alarm. still invincible.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
