Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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