i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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