just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
