Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
