My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
