The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
