But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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