I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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