he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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