Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
