paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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