Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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