There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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