My friends, they love my intelligence
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Is it penis luge time yet?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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