Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
