Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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