You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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