hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
