What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
