her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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