More tranny stories later!
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My ATM looks so different sober.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
