That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
