I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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