I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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