And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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