I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
