the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
