His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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