yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
