I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
