Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
