First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
