found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize