I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
