Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
