I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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