I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
