so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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