So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
