i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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