Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize