Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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