I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
