apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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