its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
