He kissed a someone with a penis
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
