Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
