just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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