I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
