I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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