Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
