Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
