dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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