This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
