"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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