Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
