and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
