I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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