fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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