Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
