We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
All I want is dick and wine.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
