just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
