i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
false alarm. still invincible.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
