you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
