I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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