Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
