Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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