I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
