I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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