remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize