I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
