Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
