did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
