Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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