i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
