I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
